Saturday, 25 July 2009

Worry Much

Once again, this moment has come into my life. A moment when I got a bad feeling about my scores and what my parents think about me after that. I mean, I'm worried about it NOW as we speak.

Sometimes I feel bloody jealous to see kids with parents who just don't bother with what their child's score at school, especially when they got bad marks and the children still got a chance to hang out to the mall or playing the net all the time or maybe shopping together with mommy. Well, I'm not that kinda child anyway. When I got a bad mark, though my parents didn't punish me or what, I'm grounded my self for that. Scores is about school, and school is about responsibility. It's my duty and I gotta be responsible with the result. No matter what.

It was the 2nd semester, when I got a very terrible marks and I was ashamed and I didn't have the guts to even face my parents. Seriously, I feel like I just dissapoint them. And I think I (will) do the same this time. What did I say? Oh yes, it's gonna happen again. My intuition said that, I never trust it but now I do.

Something rough happened in this semester. I gotta admit, this is a tough semester I've ever been. I know it's just the beginning but I never guess it would be this hard. I tried my best, I always do. And sometimes, bunch of people try to ruin it. Of course I'm not gonna let them screw my duty-it's about my scores and it's about my pride in front of my parents. Sorry friend, I can't let you do that, I'm leaving you if it's necessary.

It was a semester which has already sucking my happiness, changing the way I see my friends and however makes me better in some parts that I just obviously can predict. And like I said before, there are people who just don't care with school stuffs like I do. If the parents don't, then the children do the same. This is kinda people I try to avoid. And when I freakin' deal with them, I try as hard as I can to keep my score and just ignore 'em. I'm a tolerate person and I try to do that to everyone who even try to mess with me.

The thing I wanna say is school is important to me, it's the thing my parents try to trust me and I gotta responsible with that. I'm sure no kids intend to dissapoint their parents, but not all kids care about their school thing-especially scores. With all the stuffs I've done without my parents known, I would say it's nothing and I wanna make my parents proud with everything I did but in a very incredible way-getting a scholarship for Postgraduate for instance.

I'm afraid my decision will dissapoint them, I'm afraid what I will do in the future will make them change the way they think about me. I don't wanna lose my parents trust, I keep their trust as well as I keep my soul. I won't let any single risk touch that.

Including you.

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